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01. I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I’m perfect.
02. I’ve got to sit down and work out where I stand.
03. If I save time, when do I get it back?
04. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
06. Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
07. The statement below is true. The statement above is false.
08. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
09. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
To joke around and have fun in elevators try the following:
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
Make explosion noiseswhen anyone presses a button.
#Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.
# seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!
# seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.
# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.
# A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they never will be…..
Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the ‘real’ reason this meeting has been called.
Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“Amen”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
“I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.
Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”
a man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
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| By N2H | |||||