Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

funny political jokes, Genius at Work

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister.

As one of them left, he shook the minister’s hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein.”

Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, brother!”

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.

funny marraige jokes, Proposal!

Monday, March 8th, 2010

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell.”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is.”

funny jokes, One Kiss Per Yard

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

 

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.

“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.

funny jokes, Nature Calls

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Banta’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.

funny santa banta jokes, Passionate Kisses

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

“What seems to be the problem?”

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

funny jokes, The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD),…

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

funny goverment jokes, Government Employee

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

A United State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.
“This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides, and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold diet Coke right now!” He gets his Coke and drinks it.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside.” Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

funny chemist jokes, Chemist’s last words

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

The last words of a chemist:

22. Something is wrong here…

23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?

24. Trust me – I know what I am doing.

25. And now a cigarette…

funny science jokes, Thrown out of the lab

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab

7. Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.”

6. When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!”

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

funny genie jokes, I Want to Live Forever

Friday, February 26th, 2010

A guy found an old lamp, rubbed it, and out came a genie. The
genie said to make 3 wishes. So first he said, “I want to be
rich.” All of the sudden his house was filled with gold. Next he
said, “I want all the women I want.” He was surrounded by women.
Next he said, “I want to live forever!” The genie turns him into
the Energizer Bunny.